Tonight I think we'll turn our eye toward history.
Who was the biggest badass: Napoleon, Julius Caesar, or Alexander the Great?
Yesterday's winners: I should have made yesterday's question a top 5. My 5 would have been (in no particular order) Secret Window, Stand by Me (the first R-rated movie I ever saw, plus it has Jack Bauer in it), Shawshank Redemption, The Shining and Green Mile. As things stand though, I've gotta call it a tie between O-Train and Nick. Both movies had unbelievable casts, ecxcellent writing and both nick and adam make strong cases.
O-Train
As with Nick, there are two choices for me. Since Stand By Me was already chosen, it's my Honorable Mention, giving the trophy to The Shawshank Redemption.
The Shawshank Redemption was based on King's short story "Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption." Every time it's on TNT, no matter how far along the movie is, I have to stop and watch.
Andy Dufresne, a good guy who gets tagged for a double murder he didn't commit, is sent to Shawshank Prison where he's outcast, beaten, and raped. Only after some time does he make friends, take a chance by doing the taxes for the Captain of the guards, and changes start to happen around him.
Two of the most outstanding scenes are when Andy convinces the guard to get beer for the crew while tarring the roof, and when Andy plays the opera through the PA system throughout the prison yard. The roof scene, in particular, shows us Andy's true character, when Haywood asks, "You want a cold one, Andy?" and he replies, "No thanks. I gave up drinking."
We feel for Andy Dufresne, as the nice guy who is paying for another man's crime. When vindication appears in the form of a young inmate named Tommy, it's quickly stripped away by Warden Samuel Norton. Andy has had enough. After 20 years, he makes his escape. And again, the viewer feels for him. And the entire story is told through the eyes of another inmate, who happens to be the only inmate that will actually admit to his crime.
As with Stand By Me, the writing is outstanding with more than a few memorable lines:
-- "Get busy living, or get busy dying."
-- "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
-- "Andy Dufresne - who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side."
But perhaps the best narrative of that movie is when Red says, "I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend." I think everyone has felt that way about someone in their lives.
The movie ends just as it should, giving hope to the hopeless, and showing the triumph of the human spirit.
Nick
There are really only two choices for me, but I'll only say one, to try and even things out for the plebes and such.
I'm gonna go with Stand By Me. Four friends, all of whom are damaged in some manner, at the age of 12 go searching for the body of a young boy killed by a train. They tell stories, support each other (Especially Chris and Gordie) and they even reference my cousin (Annette Funicello).
River Phoenix was phenomenal as Chris Chambers, a kid whose Dad is a loser, his brother is a loser and he thinks that's where it inevitably ends for him. Wil Wheaton, Corey Feldman and Jerry O'Connell were all fantastic as the other three boys, while Kiefer Sutherland and John Cusack were awesome in supporting roles.
There are a few lines especially that I just think are absolutely perfect.
Ace: 'You gonna kill us all LaChance?'
Gordie: 'No Ace, Just you.'
And then the final line of the thing, because it's so goddamned pitch perfect.
'I never had any friends like the ones I had when I was 12. Jesus, does anyone?'
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6 comments:
Napoleon. That badass had to be exiled TWICE. Honestly, I thought once you were exiled and came back you just got thrown in jail. Not Napoleon, he got to be emperor again. Consider that after the French Revolution (Vive la resistance!) France was in turmoil (what else is new) and some 5'0" guy comes along, conquers a bunch of people, and proclaims himself emperor of all France. To top it off, he then decides he wants to be emperor of Europe, so he conquers everything and everybody except the Russian winter. Everyone knows Alexander was gay (right, Oliver Stone?) so he's right out. Ceaser was pretty awesome, but he's didn't proclaim himself ruler of Rome, it was his birthright. Napoleon rose from nothing to become one of the greatest historical figures of all time.
Actually, Julius took over sole rule of the Roman Empire through Civil War with Pompey. Just, ya know, for the record.
Augustus (Julius' nephew) was declared the heir to Julius' throne in his will because Julius didn't have any living children of his own to claim the title.
I'm gonna go with Caesar. Napolean was a French Midget, so that really just makes him a caricature, despite his obvious skill in war. Meanwhile, it's not so much that Alexander was gay that's an issue, but the fact that eventually, Colin Farrell was deemed the best choice to play him in a movie. Farrell hasn't done a movie of relevance since he did Tigerland...maybe Minority Report.
Caesar has a couple obvious things going for him. He's Italian, which ups his badass quotient quite a bit. The Roman empire was a hugely influential empire, and I think we see a little more of that today. I mean shit, even Latin still has relevance, just look at all of its roots in our language.
Shakespeare also felt a need to take time out from writing about pussy Englishmen to write an account of Caesar's fall.
Plus, Caesar took about forty stab wounds to be killed. The man was gangsta, and he went out as such.
I'll say Alexander for the sake of argument. Nick put forth a good argument for Caesar (being the Dago that he is) and Napoleon is a Frog.
The basis of my argument is this: in a post-fight interview/rant, Mike Tyson said, "Lennox is a conqueror. No, I'm Alexander! He's no Alexander!" Mike Tyson could have chosen anybody. He could have chosen Napoleon or Caesar. But he didn't. He chose Alexander. That should mean something.
Screw everybody. I choose William Wallace.
I like Alexander. He was great.
France has only been good at anything three times. Once they were good at cutting people's heads off with a guillotine. Then they were really good at conquering most of Europe under Napoleon. In 1998 they were good at futbol (unfortunately . . . fuck you Zidane). Napoleon is the reason why France is still of note to anyone including French people. Italy would have mattered with or without Caeser because of banking, Rome, Machiavelli, and other cultural importances.
Lastly, I would like to apologize for the minor inaccuracies in my previous argument.
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