I'm feeling intellectual today:
It's a borderline opinion question, but I want to ask it anyway, so "winners" will be determined based upon quality of the answer more than personal bias. If you could only choose one, what Shakespearean character would you sleep with?
Things to consider: Ignore that whole "female parts used to be played by young boys thing" and just think of female characters as being females, and male characters as being males.
Yesterday's winner: Cardamone, you had me at Linda Cardellini. Love Freaks and Geeks and Arrested Development. Seeing as it comes so highly recommended by you, i might even have to check out the wire.
Nick:
1. People were too stupid to watch Freaks and Geeks and it was canceled after only one brilliant season. The show launched Linda Cardellini (now on ER), Busy Phillips (eventually on Dawson's Creek), Jason Segel (How I met Your Mother, Jason in Knocked Up), Martin Starr (Martin in Knocked Up) and perhaps most importantly since he starred in the funniest movie of the summer (Knocked Up) and then wrote the other funniest (Superbad), Seth Fucking Rogen.
Show had heart, it was hilarious and it was the best show about high school ever.
2. Arrested Development got cancelled because Americans are too stupid to grasp it's brilliance.
3. The Wire, which is the greatest TV show ever, and this year aired the best season it's ever had, was nominated for zero Emmys, most likely because it doesn't get huge ratings (America being stupid again), it's set in Baltimore (anywhere other than LA or NY need not apply, unless it's a soap opera set in a Seattle hospital) and it's thought of as a black show, which as much as we as white people may not like it, still is an enormous factor in America. American white people can't really watch black actors and characters doing something other than being gangsters, and while that's an element of The Wire, it's the surface of the show, not what it's really about).
Basically, the general public is too stupid to appreciate TV that's more than TV, it's legitimate art, unless it's about mobsters (and even then, most people really didn't have a fucking clue what was going on in The Sopranos...they just wanted to see greaseballs whack each other.)
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Juliet. Because you know before she kills herself because you tell her it was only one night and she's all about the unrequited love thing, she's told her parents she's into you, they make you an officially unofficial part of the family, and you just step in and take over after she's gone. It's a chance to sleep with a hot, rich chick and then just reap the benefits without the awkward moments in the street because she offed herself!
Puck. Kinky fairy sex in the woods. This is my kind of puck fuck. He's mischievous, so you know he'll be fun. And let's just pretend he's not fairy-sized, or better yet, I'm fairy-sized. Plus, his name is Puck, and like I always say, "If you can't sleep with a hockey player.. sleep with a puck."
Honorable mention: Othello. Jungle fever baby.
Lady Macbeth. She'd have my back, plot to kill my rival and then we'd fuck on his throne when he's gone. Murdering bitches have to be a good lay...all kinds of desperation and kinkiness and shit.
PS) Isn't Juliet like 13? Chris Hansen may be just around the corner, Matty.
I'm just sayin.
Also, Ray, I saw a newer picture of Linda Cardellini the other day, and she is back to being a brunette now, which is definitely super sweet. She looked decent with lighter hair, but I fell in love with her as a brunette on F&G and she looks so hot and Italian with the darker hair.
Also, I really regret forgetting to list her in my top five list a few weeks ago. So it goes.
Mark Antony. While he isn't technically a fictional character, he's still nontheless a character in both Shakespeare's 'Julius Caesar' and 'Antony and Cleopatra.' That's the rather hot thing about him, is that he actually existed. He's a man driven by both passion and honor, and at one point was considered one of the most powerful men of the Roman Empire. I'd have sex with him during those 'Casear' years, before he became a total nut job and started fucking Cleo. Once he moved to Alexandria, all bets were off. And let's face it, you know the sex would be amazing because of all those years off at battle and all that sexual frustration just building up.
Runner up: Orlando from "As You Like it."
When Ray is feeling intellectual, he asks what great literary character we want to shag. Fantastic. This is why we're friends.
Puck is my top choice, for various reasons. Most of all, so many of the male characters in Shakespeare's plays come with way too much emotional baggage. All this pining for women and dealing with a haunted pasts is just too much for me. Puck is the quintessential bad boy, more intelligent than many other Shakespeare characters, and probably just a little kinky. Also, being a fairy, he probably managed to avoid all of those nasty diseases going around at the time the plays were set. All in all, the best option for a good time.
Dude, Cardamone, I'm all about going after the younger women. Haven't you met my girlfriend?
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