We've already done worst superhero alter-ego (Clark Kent), let's do best. What super-hero has the best alter-ego?
Yesterday's Winner: Although Becca deserves credit for the Ginger Separatist movement, I've gotta give it to Matty:
The easy answer to this question is either organizing a new "Final Solution" or hiding Butters in a bomb shelter/dump so he can go to Casabonita. My answer? The entire episode of "Kenny Dies." First, he finds aborted fetuses and sells them for a premium. When stem cell research is banned, he uses Kenny's unavoidable death as an excuse to go to Congress, sing Heat of the Moment (one of my all-time favorite South Park moments), and convince them to re-sanction stem cell research. This would be great if he did it for Kenny, but he's Cartman, and he did it so he could have his very own Shakey's. He sucks so bad.
How can I not choose the episode where Cartman dupes the entire government just so he can have his own Shakey's? Matty takes it.
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Batman/Bruce Wayne.
He spends his time living in stately Wayne Manor, doing whatever the hell it is that eccentric millionaires do (i.e. banging hot broads, being a "philanthropist," designing cool gadgets). At night, when not defending the people of Gotham, he spends his time at more charity galas and auctions, where he usually picks up more hot broads to bring back to stately Wayne Manor.
Let me start by saying, O-train, you're a kiss-ass. With that out of the way, I'm going with Superman/Clark Kent for the exact same reason as why he has the worst alter ego. Bear with me. If you're Superman and all you have to do to fool everyone around you is put on a shirt, tie, and glasses how awesome is that? You don't have to wear a mask and it makes you even more of a badass because you're clearly smarter than everyone around you. Actually, fuck it, I'm going with Peter Parker as a shout out to the Phoebe Sextons and other struggling photogs of the world.
Bruce Wayne. He got with Kim Basinger, Katie Holmes (before she turned into a pod person), Michelle Pfeiffer (when she was still hot), Nicole Kidman (before she got all botoxy and creepy).
Also, he gets those wonderful toys.
Anthony Stark, Iron Man's alter ego. He attended MIT at the age of 15, inherited a family business/fortune at least as big as Bruce Wayne's holdings, and doesn't need an old guy to take care of him. Stark was captured in a war and forced to work for an Asian dictator, during which time he built the Iron Man suit and killed his captors. He also became an alcoholic. How can you not appreciate that? His girlfriend is a totally smokin' redhead, too. He does the whole philanthropy thing, but not like his only skill is smiling and writing checks. Basically, he's Bruce Wayne if Bruce Wayne weren't a pussy.
The best superhero alter ego is a truck. It's totally unassuming, just driving along being a truck - it's the perfect disguise...until it transforms into the most ass-kicking robot ever - Optimus Prime. To come to this conclusion, one must first realize that Optimus Prime is a superhero. He fights for good (the good of humankind and autobotkind), and he has superpowers (somehow flying while in robot form, unbelievable agility, robot emotion). I'm pretty sure that having superpowers and fighting for good automatically qualifies you a superhero. What makes the truck the best alter ago is that nobody knows that the truck will someday save the world.
Three other things...
1. No, this is not a plug for the Transformers movie. In fact, I'd like to thank Michael Bay right now for ruining my childhood with his impending disaster of a film.
2. A friend of mine had a much more simple take on this question:
Adam Vargas (9:38:21 AM): who is the best super hero alter ego?
Jarrad Hara (9:39:03 AM): Diana Prince
Adam Vargas (9:39:11 AM): who is that?
Jarrad Hara (9:39:17 AM): Wonder Woman
Adam Vargas (9:39:20 AM): ahh
Adam Vargas (9:39:22 AM): and why?
Jarrad Hara (9:39:26 AM): she's hot
3. I'd like to revisit the worst superhero alter ago question for a sec, since I didn't get a chance to chime in. Scott Summers (Cyclops), because he's a giant tool.
Matty...I may be a "kiss-ass," but at least my idea was original, as opposed to your rip-off from David Carradine in "Kill Bill, Vol. 2."
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