I was at a loss for a question for today until I was flipping through the channels and came across a certain horrifically bad sequel and it inspired me--who would have ever guessed that a terrible sequel could inspire anyone, but it did, i swear. What sequel sullied the reputation of an otherwise perfectly good movie series beyond repair? In other words, what is the worst ever installment to a set of movies ever to appear on the big screen? A movie so bad that you refuse to acknowledge that it was ever made because, well because the other movies were so good that you just can't bear to acknowledge it? No straight to DVD sequels is the only regulation.
Yesterday's: I've decided to just go ahead and choose my top 5 out of yours instead of choosing just one winner.
Matty:
Left Tackle: Rosie O'Donnell. Fat, butch lesbian who hates men? I think she'll do just fine protecting Donovan's back (as long as he doesn't make fun of her haircut, right Mr. Trump?)
Nick:
Left Guard - Nick Cardamone - I have very quick feet and balance, and sometimes surprising strength for a midget. Plus, then I could stay fat and not feel guilty about it. As far as my fame..just give it a few years bitches. (<----lies)
Martina:
Center: James Gandolfini (or the guy who plays who Big Pussy Bonpensiero). I mean...it's the Sopranos. don't mess.
Martina (even though she had him at tackle, I moved him over one because I just couldn't leave this one out):
Right guard: Meatloaf. When he was in "Fight Club" with the man boobs. "this is bob. bob had bitch tits."
Nick:
right tackle - Kirstie Alley - I'd put one of those pie on a stick things hanging from her helmet in front of her facemask and then tell her go go get it, then just send a running back following her.
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3 comments:
I'm gonna go with Batman and Robin. The first one with Keaton was awesome, the second was decent and the third (with Kilmer) was meh.
The fourth one was without a doubt the worst movie I've ever seen. Awful fucking writing, neutering George Clooney (who, in a decent movie, would make a fucking awesome Batman). Awful performance by Uma Thurman. Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze was one awful pun after another. Alicia Silverstone was terrible and useless as Batgirl. I can't stress enough how much I hated the dialogue too. It was beyond terrible.
But the worst part of the movie was the insanely awful, stupid, whiney cunty performance by Chris O'Donnell. He was the most annoying character I've ever seen in any movie. Just a total bitch cunt. I wanted to find him and hunt him down after I saw this, especially because he was the main draw for the girls I went to see this with. The fact that he's a BC guy is entirely unsurprising to me. He probably should've been barred from ever acting again after this movie.
Fuck Batman and Robin.
(Also, Godfather III should be immediately disqualified, because although not nearly measuring up to the standards of the two greatest films ever released, it wasn't a horrible movie if it stands alone. I know it's not worthy of the Godfather name, but Pacino was still damn good, and even Andy Garcia was decent. Plus, Calo killing the boss with his glasses was badass enough for that movie to get some credit.)
Caddyshack 2.
You don't go from a movie featuring Rodney Dangerfield, Chevy Chase, Bill Murray and Ted Knight to something with Jackie Mason and Jonathan "The Single Guy" Silverman. Not even Randy Quaid and Dan Aykroyd could revive this movie. Just fucking atrocious. Jackie Mason tries his shit-ass schtick, and it's awful. It's painful and it sucks. Moreover, part of the beauty of Caddyshack was that it thumbed its nose at the golf "establishment" and also at the unwritten aspects of golf, like betting on everything ("Fify bucks says the Smails kid picks his nose.....another fifty says he eats it!"). Caddyshack 2 was about an asshole who buys Bushwood and pisses everyone else off. Just fucking brutal.
Others Receiving Votes:
Blues Brothers 2000 -- Thank God John Belushi is dead and didn't have to watch this.
Dumb and Dumberer -- No commentary necessary
Straight to video Honorable Mention:
Slap Shot 2 -- Because there's no way to make a sequel to that classic.
One other thing:
If I had time to create a new Eagles O-Line, I would have included John Goodman. Not only was he the football coach in Revenge of the Nerds (another movie with bad sequels), but you would absolutely want someone like Walter Sobchak on your front line in a football game, even if there's a good chance that he'd bite off someone's ear.
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