It must be nice to be a fan of the only team in the AFC east who wouldn't lose to The University of Southern Florida right now. Hell, most of the AFC east would probably lose to App. State, which means that if nothing else they could at least give Michigan a run for their money. I hate you and your pretty boy quarterback who throws the ball more than ten yards accurately and your receivers who catch the ball, and your offense that scores points. I'm bitter and jealous.
In honor of my whelming bitterness (it's not overwhelming, but it's close) who is the all-time best bitter movie character? For the sake of fairness, I'm going to take Rob Gordon off the ballot, because otherwise whoever posts first would be the winner.
Yesterday's: Phoebe should post more often, because her posts are always great. But then, maybe she just doesn't post when she knows her answer won't be great.
In no particular order:
Joe Schmoe -- most talked about guy when you don't really know who you're talking about.
Joe Camel -- that crazy cigarette smoking (and then cancer-getting) camel who tried to convince kids everywhere we could be as cool as him by smoking. because all kids idolize camels...
Joe Conrad -- Russian born guy who didn't even learn English until his 20s and still managed to write "Heart of Darkness," one of my favorite books, which then became the movie Apocalypse Now, which, among other notable achievements, wins the award for best use of Vagner.
Joe of Bethlehem (husband of Mary) -- successfully duped all of humanity into thinking they didn't have sex before marriage, making people think Jesus was a product of immaculate conception and, thus, the son not of Joe but of God. This led to the creation of Christianity, which, in the long run, completely altered Western history and, more immediately, really, really pissed off the Jews.
Joe Rouse -- One half of college's best party-throwing duo. And he doesn't look half bad in a dress. (...He looks all the way bad.)
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Fredo Corleone - In addition to being one of the saddest characters in movie history, Fredo shows a healthy bitter streak as well. Whether it's giving information that leads to an attempted hit on Michael "IN MY ROOM. WHERE MY WIFE SLEEPS....where my children play with their toys," or years of lealousy and frustration emerging into an angry rant to Michael "I'M SMART! I CAN DO THINGS!", Fredo just can't handle how in control Michael is, and how little control he has over his own life.
I know it was you Fredo...you broke my heart. You broke my heart.
Gollum. Bitter little hobbit-turned-weird-creature.
No time to elaborate. Gotta study!
Navin R. Johnson (Steve Martin) in "The Jerk."
"Huh? I am not a bum. I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: my friends and... uh... my thermos. Huh? My story? Okay. It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi."
ok...maybe he wasn't so much bitter...just a jerk.
Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson) in "As Good as It Gets"
Unfortunately, if you've seen the movie, he reforms... but he was great while it lasted.
From IMDB.com:
Carol: You're going to die soon with that diet. You know that, right?
Melvin: Oh, we're all going to die soon. I will, you will, and it sure sounds like your son will.
JmC
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