A question that even I'm not stupid enough to ask. It would be no contest. And Nick, you couldn't choose a better Beatles song than "Tomorrow Never Knows"? I mean, c'mon.
Today's question comes to us direct from Matty Bain in Saginaw, Michigan:
Matty Asks: If Stephen Colbert is somehow elected to the presidency, who would his cabinet members be? To make this a little bit easier, we'll just say Secretary of State, Education, Defense, Treasury, Agriculture, Interior and Justice. If you want to do all 15 positions, go for it, but I don't particularly care who you think Stephen Colbert would choose for the Secretary of Veterans Affairs or Housing and Urban Development. It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Thursday's: I'm going to give it to Nicole for going all musical and thoughtful about it. And Matty, if you think that I'm devaluing your opinion and your personal experience by not choosing your answer, I am.
Nicole:
"Here's a theory for you to disregard completely. Music, you know, true music..not just Rock-and-Roll..it chooses you! It lives in your car, or alone, listening to your headphones, vast scenic rituals and angelic choirs in your brain. It’s a place apart from the vast benign lap of America." -Almost Famous
And so, in the vein of perhaps one of the greatest music movies ever (the others being "High Fidelity," "This is Spinal Tap," and "The Beatles' Help"), I say that my Oasis song of choice, given the options, (which was the question, yes, and not a question of Oasis or the Beatles - which would be Beatles) is Wonderwall. Because, it found me first. And yes, I love Champagne Supernova, but that first time hearing Wonderwall, with those long, drawn-out "And maaaybeeeee... you're gonna be the one that saaaves meeeeeee.. and after alllllll, you're my wonderwalllll" really appealed to my awkward, single, boy-crazy 6th-grade self. The idea of this guy singing this song to someone, of some girl having this power of him, I dig that.
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Secretary of State: Jennifer Connelly (cause secretaries should be hot, right?)
Education: Mary Kay Letourneau (of student-seduction fame)
Defense: Tedy Bruschi (he's Defense..right?)
Treasury: Bill Gates (of millionaire fame)
Agriculture: Jim Koch (of Samuel Adams fame)
Interior: Martha Stewart (of home decorating fame)
Justice: Judge Judy (of Court TV fame)
Hmmm... I'm stealing Nicole's format for this.
Secretary of State: Kathy Kinney from "The Drew Carey Show," simply for the laughs. What was meant to be naught more than a sight gag turned into a regular appearance. Go Kathy!
Education: Debra Lafave for the same reason Letourneau was given the position. Though MKL made sleeping with students fashionable, Lafave was the hot blonde teacher every student fantasized about having detention with (if only corporal punishment was still in fashion)
Defense: Lindsay Lohan. She takes hit after hit by the press and paparazzi and yet still bounces back. And in case of war, we send her in, and a few panty-less photo ops later, the ruckus will die down and the masses will be sedated and locking themselves in bathrooms (ideally. perhaps Lohan would be a better fit?).
Treasury: Rupert Murdoch. He's rich, and he owns news outlets, which would give said government GREAT press.
Agriculture: Joseph Pedott. The dude created Chia Pets. I think he might know something about agriculture.
Interior: Vern Yip. Stewart wasn't a bad choice, but Yip never did time.
Justice: Adam West. From Batman to Mayor of Quahog to the position of Secretary of... Justice? Wait, you mean Attorney General, right?
Raymond, Raymond, Raymond...the lack of respect for Tomorrow Never Knows is troubling. It's a song that sounds like it could be written today, especially the music. Even the drum beat for the song was used in the late 90s as the basis of the Chemical Brothers first big (American, at least) hit. It was another example of the Beatles being years ahead of their time and musically, and lyrically, is a song that was more advanced than Oasis could ever get.
(I'd answer today's question, but Nicole put Jennifer Connelly as one of her answers, and that is as good as it gets, basically...)
Stephen Colbert would clone himself and appoint himself to every seat in the cabinet.
for the record, Spears was originally in the Lohan position... then I thought "Who would want her as Sec. of Def.?" So I replaced Spears with Lohan, forgetting to delete the other mention of Lohan.
Secretary of State: Angelina Jolie. she's already a Goodwill Ambassador for the UN and her family basically looks like a united colors of benneton ad.
Education: Ben Stein. The guy just deserves a position somewhere, he's a genius. Then again, he's way too smart to get involved in politics. oh wait...wasn't he speech writer for nixon and ford?
Defense: Oprah. hell hath no fury like a woman who yo-yo diets.
Treasury: Howard Schultz. Mainly because it's guaranteed that the cabinet will have an unlimited supply of Starbucks coffee.
Agriculture: Paul Newman. mmmm...Newman's Own.
Interior: A combination between Bear Grylls (Man Vs. Wild) and Ty Pennington (Extreme Makeover House Edition).
Justice: Captain America (of the Justice League)
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