So in keeping with addressing the major questions in life that have never been answered before, or that have only been answered unsatisfactorily, I turn my view towards a literary question that has been bothering me for quite some time.
Did Hamlet and Ophelia have sex? And how did this affect Ophelia's madness and eventual suicide?
There's nothing to suggest that they did or didn't in the play itself, and scholars have been arguing over it for far too long. We need a definitive answer. So I put it to you, did they or didn't they ever get down before everyone dies at the end of the play? Hope I didn't just ruin the ending for any of you.
Yesterday's Victor: Tati
Ray, I’m so glad that the pursuit of you doctorate still allows you the time to ponder the real quandaries of life. The world would be quiet a predicament if these questions were not answered in a very well thought out 24hrs per question schedule.
And to that, I must say Chuck Norris and John McClane would win in a fight to the death. This is not to say Rambo and Jack Bauer wont bring it. However, both Chuck Norris and John McClane bring power, strength, and fighting ability to the table. Since Jack Bauer’s forte is more intelligence- kind of get in there minds and fuck with them than pure force, he wont be able to equally back Rambo up. Plus a roundhouse kick in the face followed by a "yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker," is a definite lethal combination.
Tati, I love you. You managed to work Yippee-ki-yay motherfucker into your answer, and that was really all it took. You had me at yippee-ki-yay motherfucker.
6 comments:
Okay, so Hamlet and Ophelia definitely got down. It was a lovely time, and Ophelia even got hers before they finished.
It all seemed so perfect until Hamlet started babbling some crazy sounding shit, saying, "To pee or not to pee" took his piece out and gave Ophie what is believed to be the first golden shower on record. Apparently, getting pissed upon didn't agree with the lass, she flipped her shit and the rest is history.
They got down, and it was dirty. Really dirty. Like, people didn't shower back then dirty.
Also, the 16th century was full of crazy nymphos. They definitely did the deed more than once.
So, it's a common misconception that all women want to talk and cuddle after sex. On the contrary, Ophelia wanted her beauty rest, but Hamlet wouldn't shut the fuck up. He has a tendency to go on and on about things no body cares about. After one too many "to be or not to be," the bitch couldn't take it anymore.
and so it goes...
Ophelia was one unsatisfied woman. If she and Hamlet were actually having sex she wouldn't have been having a crisis about Hamlet being interesed in her because she would have been getting some and which would have made her feel like she was the only woman in his world for at least five minutes.
Also "get thee to a nunnery" if Hamlet was getting some from Ophelia why would he want to send her away and be condemed to a sexless life full of murder? Hmmm...do nuns have to be virgins or can they go out and explore the world and then pledge their new-found virginity to Christ?
But with "get thee to a nunnery" he could be either sarcastically calling her a whore, as in, "Where did this new found virtue of yours come from? If you're so virtuous go on and get thee to a nunnery," or even devaluing their experience together by saying essentially, it was so meaningless to me, it might as well not even have happened, here's your V card back if you want it.
Not that I have a bias, I legitimately don't on this question for once.
I'm gonna have to say that they did it. And she had the syph. Then he got the syph. Then the syph migrated to their brains causing dementia. And open sores on their genitals.
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