Are you a Mexi can, or a Mexi can't?

We've done worst, let's do best tonight.

What is the best trilogy in cinematic history?

Yesterday's winner: I need to provide my rationale here. First off, JayBruzz, I respect the hell out of you for making a really good argument that everyone is going to hate you for, and you do make a pretty good argument. I have to admit, I grew to hate Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane, especially when they went lighter with her hair in the second and third movies. I've gotta go with Matty though and here's why: The same man who wrote and directed the El Mariachi Trilogy (El Mariachi, Desperado, Once Upon a time in Mexico) and who is in the process of directing the Sin City Trilogy, is responsible for this:

Ok, so I put a lot of thought into this. I think Becca is on the right track, but MVP was pretty awesome considering the fucking monkey skates around. That makes the first one pretty awesome. I decided to exclude all trilogies that came from Disney wanting money (ie, Peter Pan, Beauty and the Beast, etc) and anything where a movie wasn't released in theaters. Second, to be a terrible trilogy you have to have three bad movies. One can't be freakin' awesome and you can't be like, well they all sucked except that one was amazing. Goodbye Matrix, Star Wars, Robo Cop, etc. So where does this leave us? Spy Kids. I fucking hate all of those movies and I would rather watch infomercials for 3 weeks straight if it meant those movies had never been made. No wait, I'd rather watch WOMEN'S BASKETBALL than watch those movies. Antonio Banderas and Tony Shalhoub, what were you thinking?

What is the worst trilogy in the history of Trilogies?

Things to consider: Star Wars Episodes 1-3 and 4-6 count as separate trilogies.

Yesterday's Winner: I've gotta give it to Nick with an honorable mention to everyone else.

1. Jerry Maguire - Kelly Preston "don't ever stop fucking me"
Kelly, if it was possible, I never would, even if you have raised your child without acknowledging he's autistic because you're a member of a fucking sick cult that denies the absence of autism.

2. Denise Richards and Neve Campbell - Wild Things - Well fucking duh

3. Halle Berry - Monster's Ball - Because I'm like 67% sure that she was really getting fucked in this scene..somehow, despite the fact that it was Billy Bob Thornton's penis in her...I still find that hot...I'm kind of ashamed.

4. Jennifer Connelly - Any scene that allows us to see her perfect bresteses...I think I got the first boner that I can remember when I saw the Rocketeer for the first time.

5. Mia Sara - Timecop - Not so much for this scene, but because she's from Ferris Beuller's Day Off and goddamn if it wasn't nice to get a good view.


My 5:
5. Team America: World Police Extended edition. Puppet sex that would have garnered an NC-17 rating for the film if they hadn't cut the scene down. I don't know if I've ever laughed as hard as I did when I saw that scene.

4. Boogie Nights. Roller Girl and Dirk. Like Jaybruzz said "who wouldn't want to have sex with Burt Reynolds watching!"

3. Wild Things. Another already said.

2. High Fidelity. No woman in the history of the world is having better sex than the sex you are having with Ian in my head. Just because I refuse to have more than half of my list be scenes that were already mentioned

1. American Psycho. How did no one else pick Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale) flexing in the mirror while he videotapes himself banging the shit out of two hookers before he cuts them up with scalpels.

Alrite, so everyone hates the snorks

Alrite, let's go back to movies, but stay with sex.

All-time top five best sex scenes in movie history. Non-porn, actual Hollywood movies only. I've already got mine.

Yesterday's winner: Matty, and not just because he was the only post. If he was the only post and his answer sucked, I wouldn't have chosen it.

This is actually a trick question. Remember how they were always riding sea horses? Well, they were actually "riding them". You see, snorks produce eggs similar to those of fish. Those eggs must be inserted into the sea horse by the female, and then the male must fertilize the sea horse. This is all very national geographic, I know, but it's actually scientific fact. Sea horses then give birth to live Snorks who must find their way back to their birth parents. This helps with population control, similar to sea turtles, but ultimately led to their extinction and the end of the show.

In the TV category

Alrite, everybody remembers the Smurfs, but there was another show called the Snorks which was basically underwater Smurfs. My question for you is a two parter: 1) Do Snorks reproduce sexually or asexually and 2) Which parent carries the children, if either parent carries them at all (The female like almost every other normal species in the world? Or the Male like Sea Horses)

Yesterday's winner: Millsy

Although I personally side with those of you who said Marian (If for no other reason than because Lucy Griffiths who plays Maid Marian in the BBCA Robin Hood series has unbelievable eyes and a sort of inexplicable charm about her) I've gotta go with Mills on this one just because his answer was awesome. I refuse to choose a winner from the girls side of things because in the legend, Lancelot was a hideously disfigured chud of a frenchie. Robin Hood would kick Richard Gere's ass any day of the week.


"How is this even a difficult question? On one hand, there is the chaste, loyal, compassionate Maid Marian. I'd probably be her first, and I couldn't disappoint. On the other, the two-timing tramp Guinevere. She ruined a fucking kingdom after she let half the kingdom fucking ruin her. I could bring my A game and she'd still be disappointed.

But then you have to ask yourself, "If she's disappointed, who cares?" I'm not doing this for charity. I'm doing this for a good time and I think Guinevere could really get down. Also, I have the feeling that she's got an insatiable appetite for sex. So while Maid Marian would be telling me how happy she was that I was her first and trying to cuddle, Guinevere would be fastening the handcuffs and telling me the new safety word.

Guinevere's the hands-down choice."

Who would you rather sleep with Maid Marian or Guinevere? Robin Hood or Lancelot?

Yesterday's Winner: Matty Bain
Mr. Blonde. HE CUT A DUDE'S EAR OFF AND THEN TALKED INTO IT. Keep in mind, that Allie Weinberger can no longer listen to "Stuck In the Middle With You" because of that scene. Freakin' brilliant, making him the runaway best Reservoir Dog.

You shoot me in a dream you better wake up and apologize.

Who is the best Reservoir Dog? Your choices are, of course, Mr. White, Mr. Orange, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Pink, Mr. Blue and Mr. Brown.

Yesterday's winner: First off, Matty, have you learned nothing in all the time you've known me? Being a kiss-ass will get you everywhere. And besides, everyone knows that Metropolis is nothing but a colony for people who were too stupid to live in Gotham. There was one simple test, a man walked into a room wearing glasses and introduced himself, then he took the glasses off and if the individual in question said, "Oh and you are? I met your friend but I didn't catch your name," then they got shipped off to metropolis. Secondly, Honorable mention to Becca for Tony Stark because he most definitely does kick ass, but the only problem is that he's got a bum ticker and the suit is basically a giant pacemaker. He's liable to keel over any time he bangs that gorgeous girlfriend of his. Adam deserves an honorable mention too for Optimus Prime too. Creativity points for sure. Plus you let me borrow your Transformers the Movie DVD and let me keep the VHS. It's a tie though, between O-Train and Nick.

Nick: Bruce Wayne. He got with Kim Basinger, Katie Holmes (before she turned into a pod person), Michelle Pfeiffer (when she was still hot), Nicole Kidman (before she got all botoxy and creepy).

Also, he gets those wonderful toys.

O-Train: Batman/Bruce Wayne.

He spends his time living in stately Wayne Manor, doing whatever the hell it is that eccentric millionaires do (i.e. banging hot broads, being a "philanthropist," designing cool gadgets). At night, when not defending the people of Gotham, he spends his time at more charity galas and auctions, where he usually picks up more hot broads to bring back to stately Wayne Manor.

The legal rights of the BFF must be protected

We've already done worst superhero alter-ego (Clark Kent), let's do best. What super-hero has the best alter-ego?

Yesterday's Winner: Although Becca deserves credit for the Ginger Separatist movement, I've gotta give it to Matty:

The easy answer to this question is either organizing a new "Final Solution" or hiding Butters in a bomb shelter/dump so he can go to Casabonita. My answer? The entire episode of "Kenny Dies." First, he finds aborted fetuses and sells them for a premium. When stem cell research is banned, he uses Kenny's unavoidable death as an excuse to go to Congress, sing Heat of the Moment (one of my all-time favorite South Park moments), and convince them to re-sanction stem cell research. This would be great if he did it for Kenny, but he's Cartman, and he did it so he could have his very own Shakey's. He sucks so bad.


How can I not choose the episode where Cartman dupes the entire government just so he can have his own Shakey's? Matty takes it.

Scott Tenorman must Die

Barring grinding up Scott Tenorman's parents into chili and feeding them to the now orphaned ninth grader, what is the worst thing that Eric Cartman has ever done?

Alrite, instead of choosing a winner (it would probably be Becca, but they were all high quality responses) I'm going to offer my answer to Yesterday's question.

The theater is dark and before the lights come up, the guitars kick in and the voice of Nada Surf's lead singer can be heard talking over the guitar on "Popular" they play a couple of tunes "the way you wear your head" "Blizzard of '77" "Hyperspace" "Inside of Love" "Concrete Bed" "Always Love" "Hi-Speed Soul" "Mother's Day" "What is your Secret?" "Happy Kid" and then close it out with "Blankest Year." They don't close out the song though, just change up the beat a little and out comes Elvis Costello to open his set with "Pump it Up." He plays all the expected tunes with Nada Surf playing behind him instead of the Attractions, I won't go through all of them, and closes out his segment with "Alison" of course. At the end of the set, the band takes a bow, everybody leaves the stage and the place goes black for a few minutes. Pitch Black. A piano starts in and after an extra long piano intro to "Junk Bond Trader", a quick guitar riff leads the lights back on and there's Elliott Smith. The Venue, Filmore East. And Smith closes out his second encore and the show with "A Fond Farewell." That's my show. A little mellower, but I'd pay to see that show.

My Powerhouse Backup: Jet followed by The Foo Fighters and Led Zeppelin. Everyone comes out for what turns into an hour long encore and the show would be at The Colosseum in Rome, as it stands now, with the aid of some additional temporary scaffolding to recreate the floor of the arena.

Courtesy of O-Train

Here's the scenario: You're organizing a concert and you have to pick three bands/artists/whoever to bill together for the show. Money and time are no object so you can pick anybody in the history of music/entertainment. Your mission should you choose to accept it is to put together a show bill choosing the venue (again, don't consider reality a problem if you want to have a show at a theater that closed years ago, go for it), the bands/musicians/entertainers and so on.

Yesterday's winner: Nick

Clark Kent. Because he puts a pair of glasses on and expects no one to realize who he is. What a shithead.

Mild-mannered-might-as-well-be-Carson-Dalys

What Superhero has the worst mild-mannered alter-ego? We're talking such a worthless, puny, dorky alter-ego that it seems like either of yesterday's combatants could take him down.

Yesterday's winner: Adam

Does anybody really win when two dudes start making out during a fight? They would instantly fall in love the moment that Daly got his hands on Seacrest's man-junk and the Carson Daly Show would become the Ryson Deacrest show, airing immediately following American Idol. Nobody wins.

Go BU

Congratulations Joe Dipenta. Another Terrier on The Cup.

Today's question comes courtesy of Jameson. So if you don't like it, blame him. Who would win in a streetfight: Carson Daly or Ryan Seacrest?

Yesterday's winner: Matty

Ray, every fiber of my being wants to say the '67 Maple Leafs or the '93 Leafs, but I can't do it, because they were both aging teams that vastly overachieved. There is, however, only one correct answer to this question and that is the '83-'84 Oilers. Let's start with the roster, including stats for the top 5 scoreres: Gretzky (87-118-205), Coffey (40-86-126), Kurri (52-61-113), Mess (37-64-101), Anderson (54-45-99). Tikkanen joined them for the playoffs. Oh, and they also had some guy named Kevin Lowe. Goaltending wasn't a worry, with Moog (3.30, .894) and Fuhr (3.87, .884) splitting time. Keep in mind, this is the 80's, so those goalie stats are better than they look (those stats are also from 84-85, as Hockey DB is missing both their stats for that year). A .744 winning percentage to go along with all the rest. This team demolished the league and ended the Islander dynasty of Bossy, Trottier, and company. No team will ever approach their single season scoring mark of 446, while only allowing 314 goals, a whopping 132 goal differential. That means they outscored their opponents 5.575 - 3.925 each game, or by about a goal and a half for you COM majors out there. This team was unstoppable. I'm just glad I got to post first so no one else could snag the answer.

These keep getting earlier

I should change the time zone I'm listed in so that it doesn't look like I'm continually getting further from midnight with these posts, which I am. I promise, once I get more into the swing of this whole working thing I'll be less sporadic.

Orange - Sports category

What is the all-time best National Hockey League team ever assembled? This question is not who is the best hockey team ever so I don't want to see anybody say "Well the Canadiens have 23 Stanley Cups." I want one team, one year. So for instance, you could say "The 1999-2000 Atlanta Thrashers. Sure they only amassed 39 points on the strength of a 14-57-7-4 record, but damn did they do it in style," and I would tell you that you should have your right to breathe the same air as the rest of us revoked, but you get the idea and I didn't want to step on any toes. Let's play hockey.

Yesterday's winner: My vanity says:
Becca: I'm gonna suck up and say that you haven't written it yet.


My sensibilities say:
Timmy: The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger. Nothing like a little teenage angst to express American Society.

Not just Teenage angst, Timmy, but the ultimate failure of the American dream, baseball, swearing, an amazing scene with a prostitute and arguably the sweetest hat in the history of American Literature.

One for Cama

A literary question during the week, just for those of you who don't check the questions during the weekend.

What is The Great American Novel? You'll hear arguments all the time for Huck Finn, Moby Dick, and The Great Gatsby among others, but as usual there's no definitive answer and I need you all to help provide one.

Yesterday's winner: Matty

Drinking, Ray. It's always a good excuse and one that all of our friends will not only accept, but commend you for.

Apologies

Apologies for the lack of a new question today. I have no excuse, so it's up to you guys to come up with one for me.

What would be an acceptable excuse for my not posting a new question last night on Dumb Questions Daily?


Saturday's Champ: I should probably have been clearer. What I meant was "Which was a better movie, The Empire Strikes Back or Return of the Jedi hence the Kevin smith reference to Clerks and Randal's question to Dante 'Hey, which did you like more, Empire or Jedi?'" Nobody took it that way, so I've got to give it to Matty for now. That question will return in its proper form eventually.

Matty: Look Ray, there's only one correct way to answer this and that's to reference Battlefront and Battlefront II for XBox. Who had the better weapons and troops? The Empire. Who had the best Master? The Jedi with Yoda, but after that the Empire has Darth Maul, Darth Vader, and Palpatine in increasing levels of awesomeness. Also, they can electrocute people which is freakin' badass. The Empire is way awesome and the only reason they lose is becasue George Lucas wanted to send some stupid message about good versus evil with good prevailing against the odds. Also, the Empire has way sweeter ships with the exception of the Millennium Falcon, though I think the Slave II may be just as kick ass. Empire, in a landslide. It's why we always play with that side. On that note, I'm gonna go play Battlefront II.

Electrocute people? Come on Matty. Strangling people from a distance while they hover in the air and kick their legs is way cooler than the whole electrocution thing.

Thank you HBO

A kevin Smith inspired Star Wars themed question:

Empire or Jedi?

Things to consider: Don't just rattle off Randal's speech about independent contractors on the death star or Dante's "That's what life is, a series of down endings. All Empire had was a bunch of muppets" speech.

Yesterday's Question: I hate to break it to the four of you who tried, but the only acceptable answers to yesterday's question were Jane Austen and Barbara Kingsolver. I award myself first place, and may god have mercy on your souls. (All 4 were good though and I recommend clicking on the comments for yesterday's post to take a look at them if you haven't seen them already.)