Good Points Nick

but have you seen him in the Spiderman movies? I mean seriously, even Seacrest kicked ass in Knocked Up. I had forgotten that he was in Feraks and Geeks though, and anybody from that show is ok by me...especially Linda Cardellini...wow. Special for Halloween, and totally unrelated to Linda Cardellini, James Franco, or anything that I've already talked about.

What is the all time best horror movie franchise?

I think I'm going to exclude saw which I don't really count as horror movies, they fall into the realm of psychological thriller.

Yesterday's: I've gotta give it to Nick for taking an unabashed cheap shot at Beckham. I respect that.

David Beckham won't act, because it will get in the way of his Brazilian waxes and his vaginal rejuvenation.

Also, James Franco, due to involvement with Freaks and Geeks and Knocked Up ("if this is one of those fuckin joke shows I'm not into it."), should not be cited anywhere near Paul Walker. And he was actually really good on Freaks and Geeks.

bend it like beckham?

David Beckham has played in only ten matches since June 1 (2 International Friendlies, and matches for LA, although only five of them were actually MLS games, and played the full 90 in only 3 of those matches). When you compare that with the 22 games that Juan Pablo Angel (only a few months younger than Becks) played the full 90 for the New York Red Bulls over the same period of time, it seems like Beckham's days as a professional footballer may be numbered. So the question is this: Are we more likely to see Beckham booting extra points and field goals as an NFL novelty act (although not doing kickoff duty because that would involve running and maybe even hitting)? Acting in Hollywood and making James Franco and Paul Walker look like two of the greatest actors in the history of cinema? Coaching/broadcasting football in some way shape or form?


Whenever the hell I last posted: First off, I have to say, what a catch. Thank you Brett Favre, I can go to bed and not have to wonder what's going to happen in the game. The winner is Nicole, the only one to post an actual answer. And I'll even give Becca a runner-up for posting something.

Nicole:
Absolutely, without a doubt, hands down Christine. Now, to say this movie is awful (which it is) is an understatement. The car has a life of its own, attacks people, and then repairs itself overnight? Okay Mr. King, if you say so. Run out of ideas? That's too bad. Now, with that said, this movie is so awful, that it's in fact hilarious. It's actually a pretty good first date movie to rent when all you want to do is pop in some "scary" movie as an excuse to cuddle and then just start making out once you lose interest.

When did Steven King just stop trying?

Today's actual question is essentially an extension of the question in the title. I was watching VA Tech hand the game to Boston College and they showed a commercial for the new Steven King movie The Mist. Needless to say it looks horrendous because he can't write worth a damn anymore, but it got me thinking about the opposite of a question I asked a few weeks back:

What is the all time WORST movie based on a piece of writing (Novel, Novella, or Short Story) by Steven King?


Yesterday: I'm going to give it to Martina, because she remembered what I forgot, she remembered to choose a beverage, and she chose beer, and I respect that.

Martina:
Michael Sourdough Sandwich.
Either The chicken pesto with provolone or the regular turkey with eveything.
I know, a sandwich is boring...but I like it simple.
If you've ever been to Michael Sourdough than you know these sandwiches are amazing. If you haven't, just picture heaven in a sandwich. I'd top it off with a beer and a massive slice of chocolate cake. It's the only food that I will drive twenty minutes out of my way to get to. And the bastards are only open on the weekdays so I never have the chance to go.

an opinion question

I know I don't usually ask opinion questions, or at least I look for answers that are in the form of factual statements, even if there is nothing factual at all about what you're saying, but I'm going to change it up tonight, and you're just going to have to deal with it. First I have to give credit where it's due, this question comes from Kristin, but if you don't like it, blame me for choosing to use it. Everything is always my fault anyway.

What would you choose for your last meal?

There are some parameters here so bear with me for a second. First off, It's one meal, and it lasts the span of a typical meal so you can't have a 2500 course meal that lasts you three years. You get 1 appetizer, a soup or a salad, 1 main course with a side and a vegetable, and a desert.

Yesterday: I've gotta give it to Nick again. I actually, blasphemous though it may be, enjoyed Waterworld. Piss off in advance for any comments that any of you choose to make in regard to my last statement.

Nick:
*Looks at IMDB*

*Notes credits for Costner's latest...sees Dane Cook's name*

Yeah...it's Mr. Brooks.

Anything with Dane Cook in it is automatically worse than all the other awful shit Costner has done, because Dane Cook is an unfunny douchebag who brings shame to this entire region.

From Best of to Worst of

In honor of todays release of Mr. Brooks on DVD...What is the all-time worst Kevin Costner movie in the history of movies? Things to keep in mind: there are so many to choose from.

Yesterday: Nicky

idiot comedy, but it has incredibly smart moments. And the stupid stuff is funnier stupid stuff than any other comedy in the 90s.

'Goodbye, My LOVE*crash*'

'Hey guys, Big Gulps huh? Alright. Well, see ya later.'

'Harry...you're hands are freezing'

'WE LANDED ON THE MOON'

I mean, it helps that he also had his best support in this movie (because Jeff Daniels was also incredibly funny), and the fact that this was the Farelly's at their absolute best, and I say it's no question Dumb and Dumber.

Free cable is the ultimate aphrodisiac

Cable guy is on TBS. And I'm watching it. Which brings me to my question. What is the all time best Jim Carrey movie? Interpret "best" however you see fit.

Yesterday's: I'm gonna give this one to Eileen for no other reason than the Crocodile Dundee reference. I feel like Paul Hogan doesn't get the respect he deserves on this site. I mean, he was in 6 movies, a mini-series, and made a pilot for the "Paul Hogan Show" on top of the two Crocodile Dundee movies. That's right, there were two crocodile dundee movies. Say otherwise and risk disqualification. Those were two great movies the two crocodile dundee movies. Both of the two crocodile dundee movies that they made. 2.

Eileen:

Gecko for sure. It would be like Crocodile Dundee meets Felicity. Little Gecko in the big city. The cultural differences and that accent just lend themselves to sitcom awesomeness. Well maybe not awesomeness, but better than that damn duck.

Cavemen are dead, and that show needs to go away

Better TV spin off idea: The Aflac Duck or the Geico Gecko?

Whenever I last posted: I'm going to go ahead and give this one to the M's, Matty and Martina.

Martina:
Stepping on crunchy leaves. It's like that feeling you get after picking a scab, only way better.

Matty:
The best thing about fall is that:

THERE'S ONLY ONE FALL CLASSIC!

THERE'S ONLY ONE WORLD SERIES!

THERE'S ONLY ONE OCTOBER!!!!!!!!!!

But seriously, hockey starting is great but the best thing about fall is far and away the World Series. Everyone knows that October hockey is meaningless, especially die-hard fans. It's like an extended preseason. I love it, but a Leafs-Bruins game doesn't get the juices flowing like tonights Sox-Indians game 7.

Now that it is finally almost here, what is the best thing about fall?

Yesterday's: It would just be wrong if I didn't give it to Nick. I'll give Nicole a runner-up because that's kind of like Nick.

Nick:
1. Nick Hornby - I can't wait to read Slam. My favorite author alive by a wide margin.

2. Nick Efstahiou - A colleague of mine in the Nashua Solid Waste Department. Nick is about 7-8 years older than me with a family. He's a book collector, a World War I buff and a former wild man (like a total druggie and drunk) who turned his life around and is married with kids, and still retains a healthy love of hard rock (we'd end up singing Misfits songs and shit like that...his 6-year-old daughter was obsessed with Rancid). A weird but awesome dude.

3. Nick Nolte - Because of the fucking mugshot picture, maybe the greatest picture ever taken by anyone anywhere.

4. Nick Boynton - He was a solid defenseman for the Bs, and a guy who was more than willing to drop the gloves and stick up for his teammates. I just wish he didn't suck now.

5. Dr. Nick Riviera - "HI EVERYBODY"
"Hi Dr. Nick"

For the champ

Because Nick is such a champ, and because it's been a week since I asked my All-Time Top 5 Joes question and I liked the way that one went, I'm going to ask you all for your all time top five famous/historical Nicks lists. Who are the all-time top 5 famous/historical people named Nick?

Yesterday's: It took me hours to choose a winner. Hours.

Nick:
I think it's definitely about name value.

For example, I think Attorney Barry Feinstein's entire quest in life is to be the most stereotypically Jewish ambulance chaser in the history of the world.

And James Sokolove has a ring that is just perfect for a televised attorney.

My favorite one is one I can't name though. It's the one where the guy who played Baxter Kane (evil owner dude) in Baseketball acts like he is in fact an attorney at law, and all I can think about is him telling Jenny McCarthy that she needs to polish his knob.

A question about lawyers

We've all seen the commercials on TV for the law firms with catchy sounding names that specialize in personal injury and class action suits, and sometimes they have not only catchy names but catchy Acronyms and thus catchy 1-800 Numbers that almost make you want to call even if you haven't developed cancer due to the negligent use of asbestos, or twisted your ankle and sprained your wrist on a slurpee that some convenience store clerk didn't clean up. My question for you is this: Do those law firms choose their partners based solely on name so as to have a catchy sounding commercial, or do they take ability and experience into account as well?

Friday's: Sorry. I got lazy there for a bit. Had a lot going on this weekend. Anyway, based solely on strength of answer, I've gotta give it to Martina. Even though I love all Mexican food (which is basically all just a variation of the same ingredients wrapped up differently) and enjoy pad thai, she had the best answer. Also, I personally happen to enjoy Indian food as well as both frogs legs and escargot, but that could just be because I'm a pretentious fuck. Nickie gets an honorable mention for playing to my ethnic sensibilities.

Martina:
Mexican or Thai.
It's not that these cuisines don't taste good, it's the fact that everytime after eating these foods I just want to go to go home and rock myself back and forth in the bathroom for a couple hours. If my stomach could talk it would say, "You fucking cunt! I hate you! Why did you eat that!?" (yes, my stomache swears). Not to mention the really bad gas your going to have all night. Maybe Italians just have really sensitive stomaches. And I'm sorry, but pad thai is gross.

side note..while the french do suck at life, their food is pretty amazing. I could survive off of brie and a baguette any day. People in france don't actually eat frogs legs and escargot, they only serve it at pretentious restaurants where tourists go. (hey, that rhymed). And lets not forget french pastries...because they are AMAZING.

Olaf Kolzig is going to win the Vezina this year

That has nothing to do with tonight's question, but I'm watching the Rangers game and damn, he looks solid. Anyway, what is the most overrated cuisine in the world? Not a meal or anything like that, but an actual type of food (for example you could say "Italian food is the most overrated food in the world because..." but I wouldn't recommend that as an answer, because I will come to your home and cause you severe bodily harm, maybe even kick your dog on my way out).

Yesterday's: I gotta give it to Nicky, I happen to believe that Bert and Ernie were the Jay and Silent Bob (or the Timmy and Joe) of Sesame Street. Honorable mention to the radiant Becca Chao for actually having said that to Joe and Timmy one drunken night.

Nick:
They are the Joseph Rouse and Timothy Knauf of Sesame Street.

Hetero-lifemates.

Becca:
Nick stole my answer. In fact, I clearly remember asking Joe where is rubber ducky went and why Timmy didn't have a unibrow anymore during one drunken night at 728.

Happy National Coming-Out Day

In honor of National Coming-Out Day (I don't know if that's supposed to be hyphenated or not, I didn't even know it existed until I saw it on AIM today) I have the following question to ask:
Were Bert and Ernie gay? Or just really good friends?

Yesterday's: I'm going to go with JMC on this one, and here's my rationale: I don't know if Fredo is so much bitter or just a passive agressive little bitch, Gollum was pretty bitter, and i like that choice too, so I'll give Becca an honorable mention, Navin I don't think was all that bitter either, just a jerk, like you said Martina. But Jack Nicholson doesn't get nearly enough love on this sight, and I can't think of anyone more perfect for the answer to this question. So there ya go.

JMC:
Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson) in "As Good as It Gets"

Unfortunately, if you've seen the movie, he reforms... but he was great while it lasted.

From IMDB.com:

Carol: You're going to die soon with that diet. You know that, right?
Melvin: Oh, we're all going to die soon. I will, you will, and it sure sounds like your son will.

Fuck you Nick

It must be nice to be a fan of the only team in the AFC east who wouldn't lose to The University of Southern Florida right now. Hell, most of the AFC east would probably lose to App. State, which means that if nothing else they could at least give Michigan a run for their money. I hate you and your pretty boy quarterback who throws the ball more than ten yards accurately and your receivers who catch the ball, and your offense that scores points. I'm bitter and jealous.

In honor of my whelming bitterness (it's not overwhelming, but it's close) who is the all-time best bitter movie character? For the sake of fairness, I'm going to take Rob Gordon off the ballot, because otherwise whoever posts first would be the winner.

Yesterday's: Phoebe should post more often, because her posts are always great. But then, maybe she just doesn't post when she knows her answer won't be great.

In no particular order:

Joe Schmoe -- most talked about guy when you don't really know who you're talking about.

Joe Camel -- that crazy cigarette smoking (and then cancer-getting) camel who tried to convince kids everywhere we could be as cool as him by smoking. because all kids idolize camels...

Joe Conrad -- Russian born guy who didn't even learn English until his 20s and still managed to write "Heart of Darkness," one of my favorite books, which then became the movie Apocalypse Now, which, among other notable achievements, wins the award for best use of Vagner.

Joe of Bethlehem (husband of Mary) -- successfully duped all of humanity into thinking they didn't have sex before marriage, making people think Jesus was a product of immaculate conception and, thus, the son not of Joe but of God. This led to the creation of Christianity, which, in the long run, completely altered Western history and, more immediately, really, really pissed off the Jews.

Joe Rouse -- One half of college's best party-throwing duo. And he doesn't look half bad in a dress. (...He looks all the way bad.)

Throw Joe under the Bus

Hooray! The Wicked Witch is dead and now it remains to be seen whether or not George Steinbrenner will stick to his word and fire Joe Torre. In honor of Joe, who are the all-time top 5 famous Joes in history?

Yesterday's: I've decided that I hate the prospect of this movie so much that I'm not going to choose a winner. Matty, Vern Troyer would be an awesome Elroy, and O-Train, it's a bold decision to have an interracial Jetsons, and I respect your boldness, although I don't know how much I agree with the call on that one. Anyway, I hate you both for answering this question, and I hate myself for asking it. And I hate MNF for taking so long, because I want to put on the post-game press conferences and see if Joe gets his pink slip delivered to him at the microphone, or if George is at least going to be courteous enough to wait until tomorrow. But mostly I just hate live-action remakes of great cartoons. Wow, Buffalo is like Jets bad. The AFC East Sucks.

Cartoons on the brain

Even though I'm morally opposed to live-action remakes of classic cartoons (as well as live-action versions of Dr. Seuss books, although that has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on this question), I have to ask this one because I think it's a good question and because, quite frankly, I don't have another question to ask for tonight.

Who would you cast as the main characters for a live action Jetsons movie?

Things to consider: This movie is likely to suck, so keep that in mind when choosing your cast because you'll either have to make up for the awfulness of the movie with big names and pretty faces, or embrace the awfulness and cast terrible actors and actresses accordingly; Haley Joel Osment is too old to play Elroy; there will need to be a voice over for Astro; there is the slim possibility of a Judy Jetson nude scene if it will help boost ticket sales.

Yesterday's: Matty, because he's right, Madden does seem like the tender type.

This is an easy one. I hate Joe Buck. He deserves to die for being a terrible broadcaster, liking the Yankees, AND tarnishing his father's good name. Now this is where it gets tricky. I feel like Barry and I would have a lot to talk about since we both love hockey, but I don't think he'd treat me as good as Madden would. Barry would probably go out and cheat on you. You can't trust a guy with a mullet, but you can pretend their a woman, so I'd fuck Melrose. That leaves me with John Madden to come home to every night. He would make me turduckin for Christmas and drive me to work in his bus. Plus, he's way famous and you'd get the new Madden game free every year. Sure he's annoying, but you could just nod your head and say "OK, John" and go back to whatever you were doing.

They Sell Roofies at CVS?

I wish you would have told me this before Matty. It would have saved me a lot of time and effort. I'm not going to argue with you about whether or not they stock it at CVS, because, let's face it, if anyone would know, it would probably be you.

Anyway, Matty's weekend plans aside, on to today's question.

It's a "Kill, Fuck, Marry" question and here are your choices: John Madden (the football commentator, not the hockey player), MLB on Fox's Joe Buck, and the NHL's own mullet-sporting Barry Melrose. Have fun.

Yesterday's: All I can say is, you guys are all filthy, disgusting human beings, and I love every one of you for it. I've gotta give this one to Becca though, on the strength of the ace bandages, especially because I can think of something to do with 5 of them, but I just can't imagine what Becca has in mind for the sixth. A nod to Martina to for the banana.

Becca:
Cheez-Wiz (CVS carries it, I guarantee), a teeny bopper fan magazine, six Ace bandages, laxatives, batteries, and a disposable camera.

Price Check on...uh...hmm

Alrite, so I'm standing in line at the Drug Store today and the guy in front of me--probably 19 or 20 years old--is trying very awkwardly and unsuccessfully to hide a box of condoms in between a pack of gum and a pack of pens. He's fidgeting with them and trying to make sure that no one else standing around can see them, like he doesn't realize that the checkout girl is still going to see them when she has to scan them, like he really believes that she won't even realize what she's scanning if they're sandwiched between gum and Bic pens. But it got me thinking:

What is the most awkward/creepy combination of products that a person could buy along with condoms at an average drug store?

Last two days:
Sequel:
As bad as Caddyshack 2 was, I don't think it sullied the Caddyshack name nearly as much as Batman and Robin did, so I give this one to Nick. By the way the movie that inspired this question was The Next Karate Kid starring future Academy Award winner Hilary Swank.

Remake:
This one goes to Becca, Bad News Bears the remake was appallingly bad. Bad News Bears would make my top five at number five though, behind 4. The live action 101 Dalmations with Glen Close 3. Planet of the Apes 2. The Pink Panther (Why Steve Martin, WHY?) 1. Psycho (I still can't believe the amazing names that are associated with this piece of shit film: Gus Van Sant, Vince Vaughn, Julianne Moore, William H. Macy, Viggo Mortensen)

Nick:
I'm gonna go with Batman and Robin. The first one with Keaton was awesome, the second was decent and the third (with Kilmer) was meh.

The fourth one was without a doubt the worst movie I've ever seen. Awful fucking writing, neutering George Clooney (who, in a decent movie, would make a fucking awesome Batman). Awful performance by Uma Thurman. Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze was one awful pun after another. Alicia Silverstone was terrible and useless as Batgirl. I can't stress enough how much I hated the dialogue too. It was beyond terrible.

But the worst part of the movie was the insanely awful, stupid, whiney cunty performance by Chris O'Donnell. He was the most annoying character I've ever seen in any movie. Just a total bitch cunt. I wanted to find him and hunt him down after I saw this, especially because he was the main draw for the girls I went to see this with. The fact that he's a BC guy is entirely unsurprising to me. He probably should've been barred from ever acting again after this movie.

Fuck Batman and Robin.

(Also, Godfather III should be immediately disqualified, because although not nearly measuring up to the standards of the two greatest films ever released, it wasn't a horrible movie if it stands alone. I know it's not worthy of the Godfather name, but Pacino was still damn good, and even Andy Garcia was decent. Plus, Calo killing the boss with his glasses was badass enough for that movie to get some credit.)

Becca:
Bad News Bears. I loved the original with Walter Matthau, but Billy Bob Thornton scares the everliving crap out of me.

Along the same lines as last night

What is the all-time worst remake in movie history?

I was thinking about asking this one as a top five, but I decided against it because it's kind of a pain in the ass. Also, I'm going to leave last night's question open for another night just so that we can determine worst sequel and worst remake on the same post.

Because sometimes you just need to know when to stop.

I was at a loss for a question for today until I was flipping through the channels and came across a certain horrifically bad sequel and it inspired me--who would have ever guessed that a terrible sequel could inspire anyone, but it did, i swear. What sequel sullied the reputation of an otherwise perfectly good movie series beyond repair? In other words, what is the worst ever installment to a set of movies ever to appear on the big screen? A movie so bad that you refuse to acknowledge that it was ever made because, well because the other movies were so good that you just can't bear to acknowledge it? No straight to DVD sequels is the only regulation.

Yesterday's: I've decided to just go ahead and choose my top 5 out of yours instead of choosing just one winner.

Matty:
Left Tackle: Rosie O'Donnell. Fat, butch lesbian who hates men? I think she'll do just fine protecting Donovan's back (as long as he doesn't make fun of her haircut, right Mr. Trump?)

Nick:
Left Guard - Nick Cardamone - I have very quick feet and balance, and sometimes surprising strength for a midget. Plus, then I could stay fat and not feel guilty about it. As far as my fame..just give it a few years bitches. (<----lies)

Martina:
Center: James Gandolfini (or the guy who plays who Big Pussy Bonpensiero). I mean...it's the Sopranos. don't mess.

Martina (even though she had him at tackle, I moved him over one because I just couldn't leave this one out):
Right guard: Meatloaf. When he was in "Fight Club" with the man boobs. "this is bob. bob had bitch tits."

Nick:
right tackle - Kirstie Alley - I'd put one of those pie on a stick things hanging from her helmet in front of her facemask and then tell her go go get it, then just send a running back following her.